LOVE AND PAIN
I remember when I was six years old, I had my first real birthday party. I still see myself in that little yellow party dress with that blue ribbon around the waist. I had little white socks and these amazing little blue shoes to go with it. I had wanted that dress for weeks that I saw in our local dress shop window, and my mother had bought me that outfit just for that day.
A little while into the party, somewhere between blowing out the candles on my cake, and starting on the ice cream and jelly, my mother came and sat down beside me.
“This is how I always want to remember you”, she said to me, “happy and smiling”. She gave me a kiss on my forehead then told me, “This is how I always want you to remember me, happy because you are happy”.
My mother then left the room, she had something important to do upstairs she said. She seemed to be gone forever and my best friend’s mother went upstairs to look for her.
I never saw my mother alive again.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
When I was about 12 years old, I overheard some people talking, like you do. They were talking about that day and how when my father came home from work he was expecting to find my birthday party just finishing in time to give me my special present from him. It was that giant doll that I had seen in the toyshop window and set my heart on. I loved that doll so much.
They were saying that instead of the end to a perfect day he found my mother upstairs in their bedroom, lying on their bed. She had put on her favourite party dress, spent some time in front of the mirror putting on her best party make-up and lipstick then taken a whole bottle of sleeping pills that no one knew she had in the house.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
When I was fifteen, my best friend and I, still the one from that party, were drinking few bottles of wine together that we should not have had. We were both getting so drunk for the first time ever, and for a reason. My friend’s mother had just died a few days earlier, and she was so unhappy, and I was the only person who she knew who would understand just how she felt.
I think that she was a little more drunk than me that day to be honest, because she went into her handbag and took out this old envelope, opened it up and took a folded letter from it.
“I don’t know if I should be showing you this”, I still remember how worried she looked
“I found this hidden amongst some of my mother’s things when I was clearing up her room. I can’t let my father know I’ve found this, it would break his heart, but I think you need to know about it”.
It was a letter from my father to her mother. It turns out that they had been having an affair together for many years and he had finally told my mother it was over between them and that he would be leaving home the day after my birthday party.
My friend then went back into her handbag and took out another letter.
“This one is from your mother to your father. “I think my mother must have taken it from your mother that day and hid it from everyone. “I think she took it to avoid a scandal”.
I just asked her to tear it up, I didn’t want to read my mother’s suicide note. We just drank more wine, both of us now so unhappy.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
I never told my father about those letters, what would have been the point? Things were never the same between the two of us again. He knew there was something wrong, but I just refused to answer him. I think in the end he thought I was just being a difficult teenager. When I was seventeen I moved out of home to go to college for four years and never returned. I still see my father, we still talk a lot. I think as I have got older I realise now that he and my mother were maybe not as happy as I thought they both were together, and in the end, he gave up his dreams of a new life to stay with me and look after me.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
I was twenty seven when I finally met that one person that I thought I would be staying with forever. We had both been round the block a few times in earlier relationships, but we had no real secrets from each other. Of course there were things we never told each other because there was simply no need to know, things from our past, but we were living now in the present.
We both knew at this time in our lives that nothing was perfect, everything came with a price. We both understood the rules of life.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
Everything between us just seemed perfect in the first few years together, but something started to change. Nothing big, just those little things that on their own mean nothing, but when you put them all together mean something. I could never get him to tell me what the problem was.
He was always the first one up in the morning, I always liked to stay as long in bed as I could get away with. He would always have the same, breakfast cereal and some coffee, and he would shout up to me that my coffee was ready before closing the door on the way out.
One morning he never told me my coffee was ready and I just heard the door close. When I got down to the kitchen there was a note propped up against the coffee jug. He was sorry, you guess the rest.
I found out a few days later that he was having an affair with my best friend…yes that one from school, that one from my birthday party when I was six years old. And you know what? All I could do was read that note while drinking my coffee and laugh to myself at the irony of it all
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
A little while into the party, somewhere between blowing out the candles on my cake, and starting on the ice cream and jelly, my mother came and sat down beside me.
“This is how I always want to remember you”, she said to me, “happy and smiling”. She gave me a kiss on my forehead then told me, “This is how I always want you to remember me, happy because you are happy”.
My mother then left the room, she had something important to do upstairs she said. She seemed to be gone forever and my best friend’s mother went upstairs to look for her.
I never saw my mother alive again.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
When I was about 12 years old, I overheard some people talking, like you do. They were talking about that day and how when my father came home from work he was expecting to find my birthday party just finishing in time to give me my special present from him. It was that giant doll that I had seen in the toyshop window and set my heart on. I loved that doll so much.
They were saying that instead of the end to a perfect day he found my mother upstairs in their bedroom, lying on their bed. She had put on her favourite party dress, spent some time in front of the mirror putting on her best party make-up and lipstick then taken a whole bottle of sleeping pills that no one knew she had in the house.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
When I was fifteen, my best friend and I, still the one from that party, were drinking few bottles of wine together that we should not have had. We were both getting so drunk for the first time ever, and for a reason. My friend’s mother had just died a few days earlier, and she was so unhappy, and I was the only person who she knew who would understand just how she felt.
I think that she was a little more drunk than me that day to be honest, because she went into her handbag and took out this old envelope, opened it up and took a folded letter from it.
“I don’t know if I should be showing you this”, I still remember how worried she looked
“I found this hidden amongst some of my mother’s things when I was clearing up her room. I can’t let my father know I’ve found this, it would break his heart, but I think you need to know about it”.
It was a letter from my father to her mother. It turns out that they had been having an affair together for many years and he had finally told my mother it was over between them and that he would be leaving home the day after my birthday party.
My friend then went back into her handbag and took out another letter.
“This one is from your mother to your father. “I think my mother must have taken it from your mother that day and hid it from everyone. “I think she took it to avoid a scandal”.
I just asked her to tear it up, I didn’t want to read my mother’s suicide note. We just drank more wine, both of us now so unhappy.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
I never told my father about those letters, what would have been the point? Things were never the same between the two of us again. He knew there was something wrong, but I just refused to answer him. I think in the end he thought I was just being a difficult teenager. When I was seventeen I moved out of home to go to college for four years and never returned. I still see my father, we still talk a lot. I think as I have got older I realise now that he and my mother were maybe not as happy as I thought they both were together, and in the end, he gave up his dreams of a new life to stay with me and look after me.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
I was twenty seven when I finally met that one person that I thought I would be staying with forever. We had both been round the block a few times in earlier relationships, but we had no real secrets from each other. Of course there were things we never told each other because there was simply no need to know, things from our past, but we were living now in the present.
We both knew at this time in our lives that nothing was perfect, everything came with a price. We both understood the rules of life.
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
Everything between us just seemed perfect in the first few years together, but something started to change. Nothing big, just those little things that on their own mean nothing, but when you put them all together mean something. I could never get him to tell me what the problem was.
He was always the first one up in the morning, I always liked to stay as long in bed as I could get away with. He would always have the same, breakfast cereal and some coffee, and he would shout up to me that my coffee was ready before closing the door on the way out.
One morning he never told me my coffee was ready and I just heard the door close. When I got down to the kitchen there was a note propped up against the coffee jug. He was sorry, you guess the rest.
I found out a few days later that he was having an affair with my best friend…yes that one from school, that one from my birthday party when I was six years old. And you know what? All I could do was read that note while drinking my coffee and laugh to myself at the irony of it all
Love and pain
Just two words that mean the same
Nothing ever changes
No one ever wants to take the blame
NOTES
"Love and Pain" is more of a monologue with a verse. A blend of is this a story or real memories from the performer. Verse in ITALICS
"Love and Pain" is more of a monologue with a verse. A blend of is this a story or real memories from the performer. Verse in ITALICS
"Love and Pain" Copyright © Tom King 2022